They say our social media is a highlight reel, and they’re right! I wish I could tell you that it all matches up but the truth is, it doesn’t. Believe me, there’s a whole other side of life behind the scenes. A lot of you know this, but I know there’s a lot of you that don’t. Only those close to me have been in constant prayer over me to kneel and stand by my side. This isnt easy to admit and say “out loud” but I think it’s totally worth sharing. I’ve been in a battle. A battle within myself. A spiritual battle, physical and emotional, all at once!
Honestly, it’s been a pretty dark season; full of tears, and paralyzing fear that has gripped me in the middle of (multiple) nights… fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of fulfilling my purpose, fear of (you name it). Battling anxiety, awful panic attacks and high-functioning depression. I’ve wrestled with God. Questioned myself, questioned him, questioned my calling, questioned all of it! It’s been rough and its been tough. BUT, here’s the good news!!! He loves me as He finds me. It is in His presence that my soul has truly experienced God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit in a new, radical, real, and beautiful way.
Through complete surrender and going all in, I am finding that only His deliverance can bring me freedom. I have found an entirely new level of courage within me. A spirit of newfound faith. A restored sense of hope and trust. He is El Roi. The God who sees me. Who is so intimately aware of me (Psalm 139). I am known and set apart (Jeremiah 1:5). He is the God who will NEVER give me a spirit of fear; but of power, love and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). He is always there for me. Immanuel. Never to forsake. He is full of grace and mercy. And He loves me for me.
I know I can count on Him as my anchor in this storm and trust that my hope in Him is all I need to pull through to the other side. He is faithful. And He is gracious. He is love. He is kind. He is gentle. He is good. And I surely don’t deserve it. I am so grateful and I am so in awe and so in love with who He is, for me. He is real. He is life. He is joy. He is near. He is hope. My strength. My security. My help. My comfort. My refuge. My Watchman. My Prince of Peace. My King. And I love Him.