El Roi

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They say our social media is a highlight reel, and they’re right! I wish I could tell you that it all matches up but the truth is, it doesn’t. Believe me, there’s a whole other side of life behind the scenes. A lot of you know this, but I know there’s a lot of you that don’t. Only those close to me have been in constant prayer over me to kneel and stand by my side. This isnt easy to admit and say “out loud” but I think it’s totally worth sharing. I’ve been in a battle. A battle within myself. A spiritual battle, physical and emotional, all at once!

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Homesick

I have to admit that even though this island is more than gorgeous I feel the smack of home sickness more than ever tonight. And I’m not talking only Arizona homesick, I’m feeling Cabo homesick and Seattle homesick too. When my heart sheds tears it flashes images of my goodbyes to my blood/inherited family along the way. It cries uncontrollably sometimes. But strange enough through the tears my spirit feels courageous, I feel strengthened because I know the actions I’ve made has contributed to my purpose. I can’t explain how I know, but I do. I know that He has designed the plan of my life and because of my surrender I’m on the ride of my life. I mean Puerto Rico? Really! Lol! I may not understand tonight but I steadily praise God and look forward to the day where all the pieces collide and I’m able to say “your love is crazy Lord, but it all makes sense”.

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Depression

“Just keep looking at the green dot. Focus on it. You need to look at the green dot.” It was a Saturday afternoon, and I was lying in bed thinking these thoughts over and over as I put all my energy into focusing on a particular lime green polka dot on my sheets.  I spent hours staring at that dot on that day, paralyzed with fear that if I didn’t concentrate on it fully I would just disappear and cease to exist.

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